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Post by chelsea a. de torres on Jul 12, 2010 12:27:22 GMT -8
I'M ON A TRIP, I CAN'T GET OFF I CAN'T GET OVER- - - - - - - - i want it all, i want it all inside of you
- - - - Few things were constant in Chelsea De Torres' life. The people in her life, they were always changing, emotionally and physically. Her place of residence had changed three times in the past year, a feat that seemed impossible for a girl who had stayed in the same small apartment from age two to eighteen. The quality of her artwork was constantly going up and down, and the subject was ever changing. The things that were constant though, those were the things that she cared most about. Chelsea would always have melancholy feelings when it came to the subject of her family, and her fingers would always be itching to hold a paint brush. She would always put her friends before herself, no matter what that group of friends looked like. And she would always feel those butterflies in her stomach when the subject of Hayden Channing came up. In all honesty, a girl like Chelsea shouldn't have had a crush on someone who she'd seen date girl after girl after girl. She was smart enough to know that people rarely changed, and that she wasn't willing to be a girl who was used for sex. She never judged those who it worked for, because honestly some of her closest friends were some of the most sexual beings she had ever met. It just wasn't the type of life style she would feel comfortable living, despite everything. She was fine admiring Hayden from afar, or even up close, when they'd cuddle while watching movies or when she'd harass him to come eat breakfast with her. The strange part was that they were now roommates, thanks to Tristyn. She loved getting to see Tristyn every day, and secretly adored getting to see the side of Hayden that most people didn't get to see. Like when he'd come out of his room for the first time in the morning and his hair was a mess. Little moments that made her care about him even more than she already did...if that was possible.
- - - - She was good at maintaining composure though, and despite the fact that most people had guessed about her crush on the older Channing twin, she didn't think he knew. In fact, there were a few things she was keeping from him. It wasn't anything personal, it was just a handful of things that she didn't talk to anyone about, aside from Tristyn and Avalon. Her mother's death, for instance. Chelsea's rock had passed away after a long array of health problems, things that were probably treatable if they had a more constant flow of income. The resources just weren't available, and no matter how hard Chelsea worked or how much she took care of her mother, it was her time. And Chelsea had accepted that, mostly. The empty feeling in her gut that came from losing a best friend. Unfortunately, she didn't feel comfortable sharing these facts with someone who actually had the honor of meeting her mother. As surreal as it was, she almost felt like the more people thought she was still around, that she could actually still be alive. It was a glimmer of hope that Chelsea had to hold onto, because her life since then had changed so much. After her mother passed away, she spent weeks trying to locate the father that had walked out of her life when she was two years old. It wasn't that hard, there weren't too many Carlos De Torres' in Colorado. Finding out that he now lived in Denver with a new wife, a daughter who was seventeen -- which meant that he had to have impregnated said wife while he was still with Chelsea and her mother -- was a pain that was almost too much to bear. Still, she reached out to him, hoping that with the departure of one parent would come the rescue of another. That was not the case. He was willing to support her financially, but not emotionally... and Chelsea would have given anything in the world to have that reversed.
- - - - Ever since becoming a permanent resident of the Channing-Tallon household, she felt both welcome and isolated. Everyone was doing a grand job of making her feel like she belonged there, but at the same time she missed her mother more than ever now. She wanted to tell her how she was now living with Hayden -- not because they were dating or anything, but honestly her mom would have been happy. She was always a fan of Hayden's, probably because Chelsea talked about him as if he were a saint or something. And ever since she moved into a house with roommates, she began having dreams about her mom, that turned into nightmares. Horrible dreams where she could do nothing to help the woman who brought her into this world. She'd wake up in a cold sweat, tears running down her face. Nightmares about horror movies that she'd caught glimpses of while walking through the living room during Hayden and Zeke's horror marathons were things she could handle. They weren't real, nothing like that could ever happen to her and thus after waking up she was fine. These, however, were torture. She was lonely, and these dreams just amplified those feelings times a thousand. As for tonight, it seemed to be happening again. She was half awake, but had no control over what was going on. She could feel herself tossing and turning, twisting in her sheets, but she couldn't for the life of her regain complete consciousness. A gasp escaped her lips, or maybe it was a slight scream, she couldn't tell. Images of her mom in a hospital gown filled her head, evil doctors grinning and everything else too horrible to even think about twice. This was a torture worse than any physical pain she'd ever felt, and it wasn't stopping.
THIS IS FOR JESS IS A MESS AND ITS 993 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE CHELDEN SO FUCKIN MUCH. THESE WILL GET LONGER YOU KNOW. AND WE WILL ACTUALLY FINISH A THREAD IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO D:<
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Post by hayden r. channing on Jul 17, 2010 18:59:16 GMT -8
SO DON'T SAY THAT YOU JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY- - - - - - - - replay all the things that i tried to say
- - - - Hayden was one of those guys. Y’know, had his own place to live in, plenty of friends, a promising future. He went wherever his feet happened to carry him and he did whatever his heart desired. Hayden liked the way his life had been going. He’d been living with his twin brother and cousin and things were going fine. Well, fine if you exclude the giant mess they called their house and his screwed up relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Hayden was a positive guy for the most part and liked change, so when Chelsea De Torres came bubbling back into the perspective… it was a bit of fresh air. He never expected to see that girl again. She was always beautiful and kind, but after Hayden had transferred high schools he’d figured that was the end of her. He’d been so terribly wrong and now his ‘high school sweetheart’ was living with him. Legitimately living. He’d blinked too slowly, because before he knew it, Tristyn had become absolute best of friends with Chelsea and was already proposing she moved in. And he just didn’t have the heart to say no. Roommates were something he never would have predicted for himself and his friend. She was supposed to be off in college somewhere, plowing a huge path in the art community. Well, maybe she was in a slump or something. Hayden walked on eggshells these days. He didn’t want to catch her sneaking out of the shower back to her room, worst-case scenario; Chelsea walked in on him and some other chick. He was suffering a little bit, trying to pick up new habits, which would keep everyone in the building happy. The twenty year old didn’t like to people please, but there was something about her. He couldn’t disappoint her. Hayden couldn’t exactly sort out his feelings towards Chelsea, it was more complicated than that. He was re-getting to know her, not talking to a person for a few years tended to sever all connections. Besides that, he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t physically attracted to her, because he was. Hayden was an honest person and Chelsea De Torres was honestly sexy. And then again, he despised himself for looking at her like that. She was sat aside from other girls. Chelsea just shone and shone, and nothing ever stunted her radiation. Zeke claimed that Hayden liked her, but he kept denying. What if he did like her? Zeke was like his second half; if Zeke thought so… he must’ve been correct. The young man wouldn’t act on it though, he wasn’t aware if Chelsea felt the same way, and if he brought it up; things could get really awkward really fast. He’d come to the conclusion that everything was better off unsaid.
- - - - If she did feel affectionate toward him, he wouldn’t have ever guessed. He rarely saw Chelsea anything but happy. It was a little odd to him, but he just figured that people could be happy, and they didn’t always have to be in shit moods, like him. He enjoyed seeing her that way, always smiling or willing to help out. Once in awhile he’d catch the downward tug on the corner of her lips or that faraway look in her eyes. If something were troubling her, he wouldn’t know. And he unfortunately didn’t have the balls to ask her if she was all right. Either way, Hayden did what he could to make her feel apart of them. Tristyn, Ezekiel, and Hayden all stuck in a room usually got ugly, but that was something that Chelsea had signed up for when agreeing to move in. She’d witnessed the wrestling and the yelling, the immature jokes and childlike behavior. It hadn’t scared her off, so Hayden was beginning to wonder if anything could. Not to say he wanted her gone, but he would have been out of there in a heartbeat if those people weren’t his family. Blinking at the red glowing lights of an automatic clock, Hayden could just make out the three and the thirty. He stayed up in to all hours of the night, and there wasn’t anything good on the big screen television anymore. Usually, this would be early for him. He’d come home around this hour and then proceed to pick clean the fridge for another two hours. Surrendering to his body’s desires, Hayden clicked the ‘off’ button and stumbled in the dark against the walls, back to his unorganized man-cave. He was familiar with the layout of his residence and it didn’t take long for him to strip down to his underwear, toss his clothes on the floor (where they belonged) and flop into bed. Sleeping was a passion of Hayden’s; he loved it with every single fiber of his being. He could sleep all day if Tristyn would let him, probably only getting up to devour the pantry. Here Hayden could just forget all the crap from the day. The idiots on the road or the unfortunate glimpse of Holly Boss prancing around the coffee shop were some of the occurrences that fell under that category. Hayden’s mind easily relaxed and could drift away. He was almost asleep when a startling sound jolted him out of his doze.
- - - - Flicking his eyes open, he felt his heart speed up and he figured he’d better do something. The male wasn’t sure what he had heard, but it was awfully feminine and resembled that of a shriek. Sighing, he threw his rumpled blankets off his body, and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts from the ground. May as well check things out, right? It was most likely Tristyn having sex dreams again. He held in a chuckle at the thought, running a hand through his caramel brown hair. As he reached for the doorknob, he couldn’t help but notice the sound of whimpering and moving around. Right about now, he didn’t want to go out in the hall. Hayden wasn’t sure he was prepared to see what he had in mind. He was hoping that he was so totally wrong that it wouldn’t even be funny. But, knowing the people that lived amongst him... well he wouldn’t count on it. Chelsea was the most likely candidate to be sleeping peacefully. He headed toward her doorframe, blinking his eyes wide. There was a reason why humans couldn’t see very well in the dark, he was just defying all his fucking instincts tonight. Hayden bit his bottom lip, opening the door slowly. He wouldn’t wake her up, he was vowing not to as he stuck half his shoulder in to the dark of her room. He could make out her petite form, tangled in her sheets. Something wasn’t sitting right with him. He didn’t want to creep on her, but something had him glued to the spot. Remaining there for a few more silent moments (on his part), he witnessed her toss and turn in her wide bed. Chelsea…? He called softly, pushing the door open wider. Hey..Chelsea? He called again, frowning a bit. Hayden successfully found the source of what had dragged him from bed. Something was troubling her, deeply. He battled himself for some more ticks of the clock, before finally slipping in to her room and shutting the door behind him. Chelsea, wake up He demanded gently, coming to stand by the side of her bed. The boy ground his teeth together, watching her haunted sleep, wishing he had never gotten up in the first place. Now he’d have to explain his being… there. Swallowing, Hayden reached out, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other across her mouth, y’know just in case. He didn’t want the other residents to wake up. Chelsea He pleaded one more time, this was going to work out alright. It was probably nothing in the first place, she’d most likely caught a glimpse of the horror movie he’d been watching earlier. At least he wanted to think that. Oh God, he didn’t like this at all.
THIS IS FOR TATI BEAR AND ITS 1390 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE CHELDEN. BUT I FAIL AT LIFE. THIS MUST GET BETTER.
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Post by chelsea a. de torres on Jul 17, 2010 20:10:45 GMT -8
I'M ON A TRIP, I CAN'T GET OFF I CAN'T GET OVER- - - - - - - - i want it all, i want it all inside of you
- - - - Chelsea's biggest conscious fear at this point in her life was upsetting the balance in the house that she now resided in. She felt a little intrusive, becoming a new roommate in a house full of family that had been living with each other for over a year. They had a rhythm and she had disrupted it, and she knew that she was selfish for putting her own wants over the feelings of the others in the household. Still, she knew being there was harmless. Sure, it ruffled some feathers sometimes... after all, Chelsea's cleaning had confused a few people, and it was a surprise to have someone cooking meals regularly. She liked things being cohesive and coming together, and honestly despite all of the craziness that she stumbled upon, she loved it here. It was strange, getting to know people she hadn't seen in years. Part of her expected them to be exactly the same, while the other half told her the exact opposite. Despite the general observations of obvious changes -- style, opinions, and life goals -- she noticed the same mannerisms still stood true. Although honestly, she mostly noticed these within Hayden. She knew him the best way back when, spending quite a lot of time with him outside of school... more than any of her other friends. He broke her out of her shell in high school, and she was so thankful that they shared an art class that one year. It was amazing to everyone that Chelsea De Torres, that artsy nerd girl that no one really knew closely, had developed a friendship with Hayden Channing, who was undoubtedly one of the most popular boys in school. Their friendship defied all logic, and yet it worked so well. She had never laughed more than when in his presence, nor had she ever felt more comfortable in her own skin. In all honesty, Hayden had taught her how to live, exposing her to all sorts of new things. Life had dulled the year after he moved away, and while she expected them to regain that closeness after reconnecting, it hadn't happened. It was confusing and strange, and made her heart hurt and her throat dry to think about. She didn't want to believe that they were too different now.
- - - - She didn't hear her door open, and honestly didn't expect anyone to come in late at night. Tristyn was the only person who had ventured into her room at all since she moved in, figuring that Hayden and Zeke wanted to let her have her personal space. She didn't mind though, because while she had nothing to hide, she also liked having an area that was hers. She didn't have anyone to impress in her room, because honestly Chelsea felt a huge need to please everyone around her. It dictated her actions, her mood, her words... everything. The last thing she wanted was to upset people, and being that charming Chelsea that everyone knew and loved was just expected now. She knew that people's moods were brightened by her toothy grins, and loved chasing away the negative energy of a room with her positive outlook on life. She was a ball of sunshine, but she was burning out. It was getting harder and harder to stay upbeat and cheerful as there was less and less to be happy about. She knew it sounded awful, and every part of her told her the logical move would be to keep on moving, to be glad she was alive and healthy and still breathing. But Chelsea had always run off of emotions, and the sadness she was feeling couldn't be chased away with a simple if-then-because formula. She was a nerd at heart. Math came easy. Science was a piece of cake. But unlike a good nerd, she couldn't apply that logic to real life. Her heart was aching, making her entire body hurt. She wanted Hayden to fix it, but what could he do? After his departure from her life, she had reverted back to sheltered Chelsea, the introvert who didn't have close friends, just general acquaintances. It made senior year easier, as she had less distractions and didn't have to work as hard to get her schooling done. More of her attention was focused on books and assignments, and less on a male soccer player who her mind always wandered to when bored with physics or government homework. Although even after he moved her mind did wander to him every once and a while, and her mind became a flurry of what-ifs.
- - - - His voice didn't wake her, although she heard someone calling her name in her dreams. When his hand connected with her mouth, her eyes raced open, focusing on the messy haired individual on her bed. Upon seeing her face, her mind raced back to her dream, and her eyes began to water at an uncontrollable pace. She tried to swallow the tears away, but she wasn't awake enough to control it. The tiny brunette girl scrambled to throw her arms around Hayden's neck, hiding her tears from him as she buried her face in his shoulder. Oh, Hayden. She breathed, her heart racing as she tried to cling to him as tightly as she could. To Chelsea, Hayden was a synonym for safety. He was big and strong and was a hero in her eyes, and had been since the day they had met. It would be a lie to say she didn't look up to him, or idolize him in a way. What are you doing in here? She asked, hoping that the question wouldn't offend him or make him leave. She honestly didn't even care why he was here, just that he was. She wanted to hold onto him for days, but she knew she couldn't. Her grasp around him loosened, and before sitting back she wiped her eyes with her slender fingers. She glanced at his face, although she couldn't look him in the eye. Instead, she gazed at his cheek bones, his chiseled jaw, his thin lips that were hiding that crooked grin that she loved so much. Not that I mind. She added, looking down at the mess of white sheets underneath her. Was she tossing and turning that much? Without thinking she reached down to flatten them out, gulping slightly as she tried to think of some lie, some excuse as to why she was making so much noise and moving around so much. The t-shirt she was sporting was twisted too, and she moved her hands to fix that, too. She didn't like appearing messy, or disorganized, or upset. She liked being stable and constant, someone you could always rely on to be the same. It was disheartening, the thought that she felt the need to lie to the guy who had been her rock without even knowing it for a whole year of her life. She sighed as her eyes darted around the room, doing anything to avoid his gaze. Sorry if I woke you up... She said softly as her eyes moved to the alarm clock. Damn, it was early.
THIS IS FOR JESS IS A MESS AND ITS 1205 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, LOOK ITS LONGER. HOLY FUCK JESS YOU MUSE ME SO MUCH.
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Post by hayden r. channing on Jul 18, 2010 8:42:31 GMT -8
SO DON'T SAY THAT YOU JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY- - - - - - - - replay all the things that i tried to say
- - - - Her newfound presence in the household only threw him off slightly, and he was trying his best not to let her know it. He’d been completely caught off guard once he’d walked into a sparkling kitchen with breakfast on the table for everybody. He wouldn’t say it wasn’t awesome, because Hayden really liked the change. He could go without a clean kitchen, but food already prepared for him was like a miracle. No one asked her to do it and that was probably what had him so surprised in the first place. He, himself, didn’t do much when it came to caring for others. He did what he had to for himself and that was just about it. Along came this wonderful girl who took it upon herself to make him breakfast or wash his clothes. She didn’t really mind, or that was the front that she was giving off. Hayden appreciated everything she was doing, but if it continued he’d have to lay down the law. Chelsea wasn’t living with them to be their maid. She was living with them because they were all friends and enjoyed each other’s company. He’d noticed a few things about Chelsea that he never took the time to realize in high school. She preferred things to be united and orderly. It would take her some time to get used to the way things ran in their abode, because their rhythm definitely wasn’t in tune with one another. He had half expected her to be the exact same girl he’d befriended in art and chemistry class. She had always been a nerd, scurrying from class to class or showing up on the A honor roll list every quarter. He knew for a fact she could never just do away with her geeky ways, but he sort of liked it about her. Math came easy to her and science was never a challenge for her. She could be doing whatever the hell she wanted with a brain like hers and it struck him dumb that she wasn’t. Anyway, Chelsea wasn’t the typical ‘nerd’. In high school she had plenty of her own friends and she wasn’t annoying or unattractive. In fact, she’d been one of the cutest girls in school and Hayden had constantly got crap from his buddies when they saw him in her company. Of course now she was more grown-up. Chelsea had lost that sugar sweetness about her and it had been replaced with something more… confident; there was something womanly about her now. He’d noticed it when first running in to her after they’d both been out of school for a year or two. He couldn’t believe his eyes at first, her new aura had him gravitating toward her. They duo had never not been good for each other, that was something everyone had to be sure about. Their relationship back in the day was strange, not everyone could wrap their head around it. Why would a soccer jock and one of the popular guys hang out with little miss art class? For whatever the reason, he suspected he’d done the girl some kind of good. She could laugh and make jokes and have a great time with him and no one questioned them. His friends had pretty much accepted her as they would any other hot girl in school, mostly because he would’ve beaten their asses if they didn’t. Now, however, they weren’t as close. The young man was beginning to doubt they would ever be as awesome of friends as they used to be. Did she notice the changes about him? Did she like them? What was different? Hayden couldn’t put his finger on it yet, but it was always a teeny bit awkward being alone with her. He felt like there was so much pent up air between them, like they both had something they wanted to say but never would.
- - - - He hoped his entering her room like this wouldn’t bother her. The absolute last thing he wanted was to invade her privacy and personal space in anyway. He didn’t take Chelsea for that kind of girl, but everyone needed his or her alone time at one point or another in life. The space she was occupying recently had always just been some plain guest bedroom. Littered with movies and cd cases or some one’s bra that neither Hayden nor Zeke could find the owner of. Chelsea was that bright, bubbly girl, he pictured her new room to reflect every single positive quality her personality held. He knew she was an artist and he was honestly itching to see what she would make of the area she could call her own. But despite his major curiosity, he’d left it alone. She’d invite him in whenever she wanted to, or in his case, he’d just barge in when he felt like something was wrong. And there was some element amiss. He’d missed her a fairly large amount after transferring and graduation. He remembered promising her that he’d keep in touch, but everyone knows that story. Slowly that connection they had faded and fizzled out. He made new friends, made a new girl the focus of his attention. It wasn’t intentional, but he never realized he could have been hurting her emotions.
- - - - He figured she’d wake once his palm was pressed against her lips, and his hypothesis had in fact turned out correct. The girl snapped her gentle eyes open, focusing wildly on him. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he knew it tears were streaming down her face. He couldn’t make out her every detail in the dark, but he was close enough and that was all that mattered. He quickly pulled his hand away from her face, his features contorting into something like panic. He hated when a girl cried with his very soul. It was probably the sickest thing on earth, and watching Chelsea cry, in particular, wasn’t fun. He took the liberty to lower himself on to her bed, sitting ever so lightly on the edge. With a speed he barely had time to get ready for, Chelsea had her thin arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her face buried in his bare shoulder. Oh, Hayden. He heard her say, her breath warm on his skin. In that moment his senses came back to life and he realized he’d been sitting there limp, like some kind of a wet noodle. The twenty year old snuck an arm around her upper back and the other across her waist. The boy tugged her softly to his chest, holding her tighter than he actually intended to. But it oddly felt right and so he didn’t let go, his quick fingers comfortingly and playfully tugging on the strands of her hair that spilled down her back. He all of a sudden had this huge need to make everything okay for her. To dry her tears and to tell her she was safe, nothing was going to hurt her. At that moment, it was his goal and he would fulfill it. Every man had the desire to protect a woman, and for some reason the De Torres girl was his to look after. He breathed in her scent, similar to honey, letting himself feel how soft the skin of her arms was around his neck. Hayden liked this closeness between them and the heart in his chest skipped a beat as her hot tears dripped down his collarbone. What are you doing in here? And there it was. The question he had been dreading and the explanation he had to create would probably sound stupid. I- uh.. heard a noise. Came to see if you were all right. He shrugged nonchalantly, forcing his face not to betray the disappointment he felt as her grip on him loosened. He studied her, as her delicate fingers wiped away the tears he despised and her watery eyes rose to his face. She wasn’t looking at him directly and he noticed, eyebrows raising just a tad. Not that I mind. A grin broke out on his lips and he scoffed at her, in a friendly manner. He could leave if she wanted, his roommate only had to say the word and he’d disappear. He said nothing as she moved to flatten and smooth out the sheets she’d disrupted. Realizing he was still touching her, he took his arms back, folding them in his lap. A silence followed as he mused in her mannerisms. Here she had been, crying and utterly disturbed, but through it all her bed had to be neat and her clothes had to lay right. He stifled a laugh, biting down on his lower lip. Sorry if I woke you up...
- - - - Hayden shook his head, wondering why the hell she couldn’t look at him. No, you didn’t. I had just gone to my room actually… He trailed off, bending the truth a little. He’d been snuggled deep in to his mattress not expecting anything weird to happen when she screamed. Or whatever that had been. Chelsea. Why were you crying? He decided to be blunt about it. It was almost eating him alive to know why such a pretty girl was shedding tears in his house. He frowned at her, shifting so that the clock she had been staring at would now be his face. Hayden forced himself to meet her eyes in the dark, expectantly waiting her answer. He new he wouldn’t leave until she at least answered him this. It could be a total bullshit excuse; Hayden was craving some closure though. He wouldn’t easily forget the night.
THIS IS FOR TATI BEAR AND ITS 1657 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, CHELYYYYYDENNNNN MEOW. YOU ROCK.
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Post by chelsea a. de torres on Jul 18, 2010 20:58:05 GMT -8
I'M ON A TRIP, I CAN'T GET OFF I CAN'T GET OVER- - - - - - - - i want it all, i want it all inside of you
- - - - She could have melted in his arms. God, Chelsea had forgotten what a good hugger he was, she almost forgot all about the dreams that were haunting her. Her heart would beat faster with each second they were still in contact, memories of the two of them flooding back to her as if they all happened just yesterday. She closed her eyes tightly, images flashing throughout her head, making her miss those times even more. There were so many things that were supposed to happen that didn't, and her heart sank as she remembered her promise to call him at least once a week, and to visit him as soon as she could. But life happened. There was no control over a huge portion of events that filled Chelsea's life, making it impossible to do everything she wished she could. Without Hayden around, her life did change, but bit by bit. She stopped going to sports games, seeing as she didn't have anyone to cheer for. She no longer talked to the jockish kids in school, because her bridge to that group of people had left the area. She even stopped playing soccer, as she realized that the only reason she even joined was because Hayden had taught her everything he knew about the sport and it was another thing they could have in common. Being wrapped in his arms felt like a time machine back to junior year, when her grades nearly slipped because her chemistry class soon became an excuse to pass notes, and more and more afternoons were filled with soccer scrimmages against her testosterone filled best friend. She had to admit, life was good then. She had it all -- the grades, the talent, the semi-popularity, the friends. She didn't complain when the latter two dropped though. But she was changed for good. She was no longer shy, and even without the large social group she still carried with her that sense of confidence and belief in herself. She owed it all to the drummer boy in front of her, that was for sure. He had taught her how to let people in.
- - - - While Chelsea was a girl who automatically trusted people with facts about herself, there was also a history that she didn't reveal to anyone. She trusted people with the outer layers, not the inside. That was something that she kept to herself as a security blanket... because no one needed the information that she wasn't good enough to keep her father around, or that the only person who felt that pain was now six feet under. If Hayden didn't move away, she probably would have shared all of that with him, but that level of trust had yet to be restored. She loved Hayden no matter who he was, no matter who he spent his nights with and no mater what he did with his free time. She had seen little glimpses of his soul and that was what drew her to him. They had some crazy connection back then, and it wasn't something sexual or physical. It was emotional. She had lied to herself and had convinced herself that back then, she didn't have feelings for him. She wanted to believe that she could be his friend and that was it, despite the obvious rumors that circled around the two of them the minute their friendship extended outside of the school building. Back then, she hated it. She wasn't ready for a relationship, she still hadn't figured out her own self. She didn't have any confidence what so ever, but now that all changed. She had turned into a grown woman, she wasn't an awkward teenager anymore. But honestly, she felt like her sixteen year old self around Hayden now, he flustered her. She knew it was stupid, but she just wanted him to like her as much as he liked her way back when.
- - - - When he spoke again, thoughts of the past disappeared again. It was 2010, not 2008. His smile made it better though, as they sat in silence as she tried to find words that made her seem less embarrassed than she was. She had no control over what happened in her sleep, but the thought that she made enough noise to draw his attention was honestly mortifying. Right... well, sorry. Typical Chelsea move, apologizing for things that weren't her fault. She never wanted to seem like she didn't care about other people's feelings though, and the word seemed to slip out of her mouth before she could even think about it. She had gotten better though -- there were less instances of her apologizing to random objects that she ran into. Her eyebrows furrowed, imagining Hayden waiting until this late to go to bed. Alright, it wasn't that crazy of an idea, but the worrier inside of her didn't want him to lose sleep, or his internal clock to get messed up. She honestly felt like everyone's mother at this point... always worrying about people's health, appetite, environment. The ironic part was that she didn't even think she wanted kids. Her eyes flicked up to meet his, as she felt his gaze on her face. He wanted to know why she was crying, of course he would. Even though it was dark, it didn't take a college degree to notice the signs -- the sniffle, the shine of water on her face, and of course, the feeling of them on his neck. She wasn't the type of girl who liked to see boys cry, she knew it made most of them feel uncomfortable. She hated the idea that some people used emotions to get their way with people, so she avoided tears around others at all costs. It was hard, she would admit that much, but it made her feel better in a twisted way.
- - - - She sat there silent, her eyes dropping from his again. How was she supposed to answer that? She didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell the truth either. Part of her wanted to let it all out... to just blurt out the details of the dream, from the hospital gown to the sticky feeling of the hospital tiles under her feet to the scent of lemon cleaner that always filled her nose whenever this nightmare would occur. She pursed her lips, a reflex that showed her mind moving at a million thoughts a second. Well... I had a bad dream. She said quietly, sniffling as subtly as she could, realizing her tears had stopped. Craving the comfort of his body once more, she reached out and grabbed one of his hands, knowing they would be callused from his musical activity and warm just like the rest of him. A really bad dream... She muttered, shutting her lips quickly as to not let any more details slip out. She looked up at him, sadness still filling her eyes, and tugged his hand closer to her, beckoning him to come closer silently. I didn't mean to ruin your night, you can go if you want. She offered, knowing full well that that was the opposite of what she truly wanted. Still, she needed to offer him an escape route to feel better, despite the fact that she wasn't letting go of his hand. In fact, her offer didn't even make any sense, because she found herself crawling into his lap and resting her head against his chest before she knew it. She wasn't used to this kind of contact with him. Sure, they used to hug all the time, and she liked touching him simply because his body was so much warmer than hers for some reason. His hands were always rough, but she loved it that way. Every little flaw he had, she adored. She had friends who would point out every area where he was rough around the edges, but she didn't think of his flirty personality or somewhat stoic nature as flaws at all. He was always a mystery, she could never tell what he was thinking or how he was feeling. Alright, the latter was a lie. She knew he had mood swings, she knew there were times when she annoyed the crap out of him and she tried her hardest to make him feel better without getting hurt in the process. That was the beauty of their friendship. Everything that was done was out of kindness, not out of expectations of getting something back. She could do nice things for him and there was no score being kept, and she didn't feel like there was any kind of imbalance. After all, here he was, comforting her in the middle of the night. No matter what excuse he could claim was the reasoning behind it, she knew it was because he cared. And that was all that mattered right now. She had someone who cared about her, and that thought alone was enough to chase the nightmares away.
THIS IS FOR JESS IS A MESS AND ITS 1514 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, LMFAO MY PLAYLIST FOR THIS POST WAS SO FUCKING RANDOM
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Post by hayden r. channing on Jul 19, 2010 17:14:26 GMT -8
SO DON'T SAY THAT YOU JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY- - - - - - - - replay all the things that i tried to say
- - - - He wouldn’t mind holding her for that whole night. Hayden regarded her curiously now, his teeth biting down lightly on the tip of his tongue behind his lips. Chelsea didn’t owe him an explanation; sometimes people just had ugly dreams. He wasn’t one of those people, his sleep was usually deep and half the time he couldn’t even remember his dreams. His mind seemed to shut off when his head hit a pillow and the rest was history for him. There wasn’t much tossing and turning or waking up in the middle of the night. Looking at her, he could easily conjure up memories related to the touch he had just felt. There had been plenty of times he held her close in their past. For instance, when she had hugged him after a big win for their school’s soccer team or on a more somber note, the day he had transferred schools. That day had been so bittersweet, and even though he recalled embracing her tightly, he shied away from the moment. But this night had been something different. There was no goodbye or anything sweetly flirtatious about it. He was there to comfort, there tell her it was okay and that things would stay okay. He hoped she believed him, Hayden hadn’t exactly mastered soothing keyed up nerves, especially when he had his own to deal with on a daily basis. Hayden didn’t want to create a sense of false security for her; whatever was messing with her head would go away sooner or later. It had to, because he honestly wouldn’t be able to be around her knowing that something was eating away at her every time she shut her eyes.
- - - - Knowing Chelsea was like knowing an open book. Or so he had thought. He’d always taken her for the sort of girl that didn’t hold anything back. She was willing to trust people and to see the good in them. When you looked at things in perspective, why would you need to keep anything to yourself? She was outgoing and adored new people, but now he was second-guessing his impressions for her. Chelsea wouldn’t lie to him… would she? And even if she was, why did he think he was so high and mighty that she could tell him everything? There it was again, his self-righteous psyche. Hayden had dealt with his never-ending self-confidence for years, trying to keep it subtle. The way he saw it, it wasn’t his fault. He was used to girls constantly stroking his ego, telling him what a guy he was. In a way that was selfish too, not taking responsibility for being arrogant. Anyway, the big picture was that he wasn’t or ever would be the center of Chelsea De Torres’ universe. So in reality, she could keep every single detail about her life to herself. It was a marvelous recognition, Chelsea had never slacked on giving him attention, and now that they had been apart so long, Hayden understood that things had probably changed a bunch. Even out of all this, however, she made him feel young again (not that he was old at all) like high school years. Back in the day, he’d never been satisfied with what she had to offer to him. He wanted to know more from her, get inside her head and try on her thoughts, emotions, and experiences. But he definitely was content in her presence. It didn’t make any sense at all, his way of thinking, but somehow he continued to function. Those few years ago, the young man had hesitated to be around her, at first. He didn’t want to corrupt her flowery demeanor and he was scared that the rumors would start to fly. And of course they had, but they didn’t even make dents in Hayden’s exterior coat. He fed into them, laughing at the new tales people had to spin about his life and his friend’s. Amidst it all, he’d been worried for Chelsea. Would she be mad for knowing him? For having to deal with people looking and whispering about her? If it had been so, it didn’t matter now. This was the present and he only cared about what was going down before him. Live in the present, right? Hayden tried living by that philosophy to the best of his humanly ability.
- - - - For most, the silence would have come to be too much to bear, but it was all right with Hayden. His normal personality was rather relaxed and serene. He had chameleon like traits and could adapt himself to match the scene. Not much got the twenty year old truly excited and it felt good to listen to the ticking of the clock and Chelsea’s soft breathing. Right... well, sorry. Oh, Chelsea. She had this constant habit of apologizing that he remembered well, and here it was almost three years later and she still hadn’t dropped it. Of course, she had nothing to be saying sorry about, but he figured he’d let it slide this time. Hayden was notorious for giving her crap about it. She was a wonderful person and usually never did anything to have to submit to uttering that word. He was well aware of the fact that she cared about everybody else’s feelings. She was a straight up people pleaser and did an outstanding job at not treading on her peers dislikes. The girl’s eyebrows furrowed and he couldn’t help but innocently wonder what she was thinking about. A frown tugged at the corners of his thin coral lips, Hayden didn’t want to witness her in distress anymore. A sigh of relief passed from his lips as the sound of her crying came to a stop. She would sniffle every couple of minutes, but at least it was better than the water works. Hayden was a sucker when it came to girls crying; certainly when it was one he was so familiar with and cared about. Hayden hadn’t encountered women who used tears to their advantage much in his life. It was unimaginable and totally disgusting to him, he’d be thoroughly horrified if he ever met a female willing to cry for her own personal gain. Basically, he was helpless against the salty little drops and it was easy to tell.
- - - - Their gaze broke, those pretty eyes of her drifting away from his face like she was ashamed of something. She was holding back, oh he could almost taste her anxiety. Hayden almost felt guilty for being there, should he excuse himself? It probably would have made it easier for the both of them, but his stubborn curiosity and concern rooted him to her bed and he unintentionally stared at her, hungry for answers. With the move of her lips and the rustle of the ceiling fan’s wind on her hair, he wanted to reach out and make contact with her. His instincts screamed touch her, touch her and he knew he couldn’t. Not now at least, he didn’t want anything to take a turn down Disaster Avenue and permanently screw things up for the both of them. She was mulling it over; he could make out that much. She was silent in thought and he wouldn’t disturb her. Hayden clamped down on the skin of the inside of his mouth, realizing how tightly he’d been holding his body. The boy blinked, willing all his tension to float away and settle into the corners of her room. Well... I had a bad dream. Miss De Torres finally said, her voice almost a whisper. He nodded sympathetically, dropping his jaw to say something to her, but her hand on one of his startled the thoughts right out of him. He stretched open his palm happily, shaking off the shiver he felt slither down his spine at her contact. A really bad dream... She mumbled and Hayden leaned forward unintentionally, barely making out what she had said. We all have them, Chelsea He said gently, head bent to focus on her fingers laid so lightly his. He didn’t see her look of dismay, but he felt that tug on his hand and it traveled all the way up his arm. Hayden’s eyes snapped up to her face as a look of confusion clouded his features. It took a second for his brain to register, but he got it. She wanted him near. That had been a full-blown invitation and he couldn’t help but smirk at the young woman on the bed. He squeezed her hand tighter, completely locking their fingers together. He made no move, not sure of himself for once in his life. He could’ve imagined her tugging on him, but he was desperately pleading internally that his sleepless mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. I didn't mean to ruin your night, you can go if you want. Hayden let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. You didn’t ruin anything He simply stated, reassuring her that he actually didn’t want to go anywhere. He had nowhere to be, excluding for in his own bed, and quite frankly he’d choose Chelsea over slumber any day. Once more, she hadn’t let go of his hand, so she must have not wanted him to go, anyway.
- - - - In fact here she was, all of a sudden crawling, with the grace of a cat, into his lap. The heart in his chest beat a bit faster and he felt his mouth go dry. Sure, the two of them made close encounters with each other in the past. Shoot, just yesterday they had been cuddling on the couch. But there was something so incredibly different about it. The way she curled up in his lap and dared to rest her head against his shirtless chest… he felt wanted. Almost as if they were more then friends, and he could be doing something emotionally for her. Hayden was a young man; there was no denying that. He absolutely loved the female body and cherished it much so. The smoothness of a women’s skin and the litheness of their feminine muscles got his blood to boiling and his head to racing. Chelsea didn’t know what kind of effect she had on him by being so near, mostly because Hayden did an extraordinary job of hiding it. Snapping out of his daze, he remembered just what had brought him into the setting. A sad, lonely, crying girl. And it wouldn’t go down in his history to say that he didn’t help a damsel in distress in the ways that she needed aid. Chelsea was some one he would always adore. Yes, it was true their relationship was put under strain. Honestly, the exotic girl could annoy the down right shit out of him sometimes. The occasions were rare, but they did occur nonetheless. The last thing Hayden wanted to do was hurt Chelsea or drive her away from him. He had recently gotten her back into his life, and he wasn’t ready or willing to let her go again. With that all in mind, Hayden pulled his knees to his chest, forcing her body closer to him. He let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her shoulders, creating somewhat of a security blanket between his biceps and his pulsing chest. He lowered his tanned neck, pressing his jawbone to the back of her head. You could tell me about it…if you want He coaxed gently, purring into her ear gingerly. A lazy smile parted his lips as her chocolate brown locks tickled his nose. This was okay and it felt right to him. If he was in her shoes, he knew this was all he could ask for. It didn’t matter that she was upset, because he was here for her. And it was good.
THIS IS FOR TATI BEAR AND ITS 2040 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, I FAIL AND I DIDN'T CHECK FOR TYPOS AND SHIZZ. LOVE ME K?
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Post by chelsea a. de torres on Jul 19, 2010 19:16:06 GMT -8
I'M ON A TRIP, I CAN'T GET OFF I CAN'T GET OVER- - - - - - - - i want it all, i want it all inside of you
- - - - This was one of the sides of Hayden that she rarely got to see. Yes, she knew he wasn't a cold hearted asshole who liked seeing people in pain, but he was being soft and gentle, two traits that were rare in a guy like Hayden. That sounded bad, she hated classifying him as a specific type of guy, especially since most people gave him the stereotype of an uncaring man whore. She understood a lot of things, and prided herself on being a person who didn't use labels revolving around sexual activity. Being god friends with Tristyn gave her a lot of insight into what it was like to want sex... all the time. Chelsea didn't get it first hand, but with friends like hers she knew better than to judge someone for the amount of people that passed between their sheets. She was more prudish than most gave her credit for, and a lot more innocent than a lot of guys would have liked to believe. And yet she knew there was more to people than simple things that everyone saw -- sexual partners, for example. She never judged Hayden for his choice in women, although sometimes she wondered what he saw in some girls. Catty little moments that she beat her self up over, but that was all in the past. She was one of the few girls that talked to Hayden on a daily basis who hadn't gotten physical with him, and honestly she liked being able to hold on to that title. She liked to be reassured that the reason they were friends wasn't because of any sort of physical attraction, it was pure personality chemistry. It made her feel good about herself, wanted in a way that was more personal and much more cherished than being wanted for a quick roll in the sheets. The fact that he was here, holding her, being worried about her... it gave her butterflies that she had never felt before. Yeah, she would admit that part of their chemistry was driven by attraction to one another, but it wasn't the only thing going for them. That's why there was so much to lose, so much she was afraid of. She had thought about admitting her feelings for him, but she didn't want their friendship to be in danger. While she would love to have him as more than a friend, their bond was more important to her than anything he could give her as a lover. The thing they had right here, right now -- sitting in silence, and yet feeling comfortable with one another -- was something that she wasn't willing to risk losing.
- - - - He was oozing with sympathy, and she almost felt guilty for making him worry about her. She tended to bring that out in people -- most of her friends were extremely protective, not wanting her to lose an ounce of trust or respect or innocence. She always knew he was a protective friend, a savior of sorts. Not just because of tonight, because it happened all the time in high school as well. How he'd move closer to her whenever someone new talked to her -- she had noticed that straight off, because she had never had a figure like that in her life. A man who cared about keeping her safe and away from danger. After all, she had no father figure growing up, and maybe that did give her a little bit of a complex. It made her distrust men, to a degree. It made her cling to the ones who were in her life, and she recognized that fact and tried to work on it. She did have an unhealthy attachment to Hayden, and she was heartbroken since the day he left her home town. Not because of the effect he had on her heart, but rather because he was simply no longer around. She would admit he was a bit of a security blanket. Being in his presence made everything alright, no matter what the solution. He could enter a room and she'd feel at ease, and simply knowing he was just feet away made her conscious self not worry. Of course, this didn't transfer over into her dreams. It had been somewhat of a rough transition, going from living by her absolute self to being in a house with three others. She would sometimes get up in the morning and forget that the house was occupied, until she got to the bathroom and saw other people's things on the counter top. It posed no problem, and their schedules never clashed, because Chelsea was such a different person from the rest of them. She got up early, went to bed early. She worked a different schedule, seeing as she worked in a coffee shop and Tristyn was a bartender. She only needed the television in the morning, to pop in one of her yoga DVDs, and didn't care when the twins used it at night to watch one of their gory movies (the only problem with that being the amount of gore and screams she could hear in her room, that is). Sometimes she felt like it was no different than living on her own. She still didn't see the Tristyn or the Channings often. Still, it felt nicer. She felt wanted and cared about, and safe, with Zeke and Hayden there.
- - - - Holding Hayden's hand hurt Chelsea's heart a little bit. She wanted that so bad, their intertwined fingers clinging so tight that it almost hurt. She was a little disappointed that it had only happened because she was scared, and upset, and teary eyed. She glanced down when he squeezed her long fingers, and tensed her lips as she realized she wanted to cry for a completely different reason than she had before. As long as you're sure... She asked meekly. All of the confidence had left her body with the tears, and honestly she wasn't worried about impressing at this point. There was already damage done, from her water works to childish nightmares. Her body tensed a little as he let her hand go, although when he wrapped his long arms around her and used every ounce of his body to hold her closer, she felt like she was melting into him. She didn't even notice that he wasn't wearing a shirt -- she had been exposed to it so much in the past few weeks, seeing him leaving the bathroom after showering or in general just not wearing a lot of clothes. It seemed that both him and Zeke preferred being naked, or maybe they just liked the attention of walking around as bare as possible without showing anything. She didn't say anything, not wanting to seem like she was trying to run the household. And honestly, she didn't mind -- who would? They were both attractive, and she was used to it from past soccer scrimmages or being over when the two were playing football. She felt almost like a child, but she reached her arms up to hold onto one of his. Anything for a little contact, feeling safer and more stable already. It was crazy, how much one person's presence could affect her. She honestly wanted him to hold her forever, to have his warm skin pressed against hers as long as he could stand it. His lips ended up at her ear, and it took her a second to get out of the shock of how close he was and to actually register what he was saying. Something about the way he spoke caused her to shiver lightly, but she held onto him with every ounce that she could. She took deep, yoga breaths, trying to calm herself down as the dreams replayed in her head again. He wanted to hear about them, she knew it. She knew he had a morbid curiosity and she had to admit that if their roles were switched, she would want to know as well. She gulped and pressed the side of her face into his chest more, reassuring herself that her living security blanket was still there.
- - - - She licked her lips slightly, hoping her mouth would get less dry so that her voice wouldn't crack. She was determined to keep her eyes dry this time, wanting to be the strong girl that her mother had raised. Well um...I keep having these dreams about hospitals. Needles... that kind of thing. She took a couple more deep breaths, bracing herself for the next few words. No one was ever ready to hear them, and they were a shocker to most who she told. And by most, she meant Tristyn, because aside from Avalon she was the only other non relative who had this knowledge. My... mom died last year... in one. A hospital. She felt horribly guilty, feeling awful about herself for not sharing this sooner. Hell, her mom was a fan of Hayden's, and secretly enjoyed it every time he was over at the house. She had even offered to cook for him once or twice, although she was never able to do it alone so Chelsea would end up helping. Not like she minded. She loved that he was her only friend who actually was allowed in the house... after all, Chelsea's mother had expected them to date for the longest time. It was one of those things that she had never vocalized, but the hints were painfully obvious. Probably to Hayden too, because she had on multiple occasions asked about his love life. You know how she was sick... He had been there for the last full year of Carmen De Torres's life, and had to have noticed the deterioration in her state of mind and body. Not many knew about it. It wasn't something Chelsea talked about, not wanting to bring others into her problems. Hell, she rarely talked about anything family related at school, and always ignored questions about why her mom was never at soccer games or didn't come to parent teacher night. It was an unspoken agreement between those who were around Chelsea... don't talk about family. It was one of the things that drove her crazy the most, the green monster inside of her growing jealous any time her friends got to spend time with both parents at once. The last time she had been in a room with both her mom and her dad at the same time was when she was three years old, and knowing that others had opportunities but didn't utilize them made her angry. Made the peaceful, sensitive girl feel legitimate hatred, however brief. But if she was still upset about that, she didn't show it now. She didn't show any emotions now, she just buried her head into Hayden's chest and pretended that everything was okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Her voice was muffled by his body, but she was sure he had heard her. As if she hadn't apologized for enough tonight.
THIS IS FOR JESS IS A MESS AND ITS 1855 WORDS LONG. I HAVE TO SAY, MEOW I LOVE THEM
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